Hi personal, private space. Let me first lament how much of a chore, well at least as compared to last time where I only had to do a simple log in. Shows how much things have changed, further shows how long since I was here, penning down my thoughts.

I need to apologise. A friend stumbled upon, well maybe it was my fault for not closing, this page and may be reading this now. Nothing to hide, just thoughts anyway.

I was desperate last night, probably supposingly the perfect time to visit this space and start writing what I felt, my emotions, my disappointment, my rage. Apparently, I had work to do. Speaking of that, I'll come to that later. And so I've calmed down now, pretty sure half the things I had in mind were forgotten.

All along, I see it. As much as my sounding like an emotional freak over here, I feel under-appreciated. Or rather unappreciated, by friends, family? I'm not too sure. I paused. There's just so much to write and I have no idea where to start. Two years ago? That's too long. Well, I'm going to cut it short. I didn't intend to turn this space into a place where all negativity holds. But I guess I should note all of it down before I forget, though there's nothing worth remembering all of these.

The four of us, we've been friends for almost five years now. That's not VERY long, but long enough. I'm sick of being the one initiating, talking, planning, pleasing, it's tiring. I hate the 'green syndrome'. Why am I having a monologue every time. You think I love that? I don't. I detest. But if I don't do that, we'll all lose the connection. I want to stay close, but such efforts don't last long if it's unrequited. 'I thought up of a reply but I forgot to type it down', excuses. 'Mmm yea', avoiding. No replies at all, escaping. Am I, or the clique, not worth the simplest extra effort? I guess so. It's right in my face, yet I'm in denial. I feel so dumb.

Family. I'm.. tolerating. But I'm not causing trouble or any discomfort to them. I mind my own business. I make the little sacrifices that might be so insignificant to them but huge to me. I tire myself out, to get a balance. I know them, they know me, so why can't they not do what will bother or irritate me until finals? Finals. Yes, I'm in university now. Seems so far-fetched the last time I wrote here. Anyway, back to that. I can't stand princesses, and I'm not saying I'm not one, but I'm sure I'm a hardworking and independent one at the very least. She does nothing during weekends but laptop laptop laptop, oh, actually nothing on weekdays as well but WORK, yet she gets no nagging, no raging. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Make it loud if you dare, it wouldn't make a difference anyway, I can hear it, and I hate how sensitive my ears can be. Major deficit.

She does it, not because she knows it's responsibility, not because she feels the slightest guilt in not doing anything but laptop. No. I do it, so she feels obligated. Please, I've seen all kinds of people, and she ain't difficult to decipher, AT ALL. Because she's so easy, it's not hard to know that one day, when all of us are gone, she'll miss the communication, the chance she had, but didn't take. It's annoying, but I can't do anything to make her change, or to make her realise. She's my dearest sister.

Forget. 'They probably haven't seen it.' or 'They're probably busy.' Excuses I once thought up for them. Then again, am I not busy then? What difference does it have on you and me? Efforts' the answer.

And I have to head to class, I'll be back.

Class ended early, and I couldn't find a proper spot to study as I came back. This sucks. It always happens and now I'm stuck with this spot for the next three hours. Oh well, I'm lucky I got a seat, shan't complain.

Anyway, the emotions are basically all gone now. I've got priorities ahead of me for me to worry. And the biggest one right now is, should I shift to a better studying table? I don't know. Such first world problems.

Casual chatted with a friend, it felt great. Alright, ciao!

Hi personal, private space. Let me first lament how much of a chore, well at least as compared to last time where I only had to do a simple log in. Shows how much things have changed, further shows how long since I was here, penning down my thoughts.

I need to apologise. A friend stumbled upon, well maybe it was my fault for not closing, this page and may be reading this now. Nothing to hide, just thoughts anyway.

I was desperate last night, probably supposingly the perfect time to visit this space and start writing what I felt, my emotions, my disappointment, my rage. Apparently, I had work to do. Speaking of that, I'll come to that later. And so I've calmed down now, pretty sure half the things I had in mind were forgotten.

All along, I see it. As much as my sounding like an emotional freak over here, I feel under-appreciated. Or rather unappreciated, by friends, family? I'm not too sure. I paused. There's just so much to write and I have no idea where to start. Two years ago? That's too long. Well, I'm going to cut it short. I didn't intend to turn this space into a place where all negativity holds. But I guess I should note all of it down before I forget, though there's nothing worth remembering all of these.

The four of us, we've been friends for almost five years now. That's not VERY long, but long enough. I'm sick of being the one initiating, talking, planning, pleasing, it's tiring. I hate the 'green syndrome'. Why am I having a monologue every time. You think I love that? I don't. I detest. But if I don't do that, we'll all lose the connection. I want to stay close, but such efforts don't last long if it's unrequited. 'I thought up of a reply but I forgot to type it down', excuses. 'Mmm yea', avoiding. No replies at all, escaping. Am I, or the clique, not worth the simplest extra effort? I guess so. It's right in my face, yet I'm in denial. I feel so dumb.

Family. I'm.. tolerating. But I'm not causing trouble or any discomfort to them. I mind my own business. I make the little sacrifices that might be so insignificant to them but huge to me. I tire myself out, to get a balance. I know them, they know me, so why can't they not do what will bother or irritate me until finals? Finals. Yes, I'm in university now. Seems so far-fetched the last time I wrote here. Anyway, back to that. I can't stand princesses, and I'm not saying I'm not one, but I'm sure I'm a hardworking and independent one at the very least. She does nothing during weekends but laptop laptop laptop, oh, actually nothing on weekdays as well but WORK, yet she gets no nagging, no raging. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Make it loud if you dare, it wouldn't make a difference anyway, I can hear it, and I hate how sensitive my ears can be. Major deficit.

She does it, not because she knows it's responsibility, not because she feels the slightest guilt in not doing anything but laptop. No. I do it, so she feels obligated. Please, I've seen all kinds of people, and she ain't difficult to decipher, AT ALL. Because she's so easy, it's not hard to know that one day, when all of us are gone, she'll miss the communication, the chance she had, but didn't take. It's annoying, but I can't do anything to make her change, or to make her realise. She's my dearest sister.

Forget. 'They probably haven't seen it.' or 'They're probably busy.' Excuses I once thought up for them. Then again, am I not busy then? What difference does it have on you and me? Efforts' the answer.

And I have to head to class, I'll be back.

Class ended early, and I couldn't find a proper spot to study as I came back. This sucks. It always happens and now I'm stuck with this spot for the next three hours. Oh well, I'm lucky I got a seat, shan't complain.

Anyway, the emotions are basically all gone now. I've got priorities ahead of me for me to worry. And the biggest one right now is, should I shift to a better studying table? I don't know. Such first world problems.

Casual chatted with a friend, it felt great. Alright, ciao!

Call me YiJia, it's more preferable. September 12th, I don't expect many to remember. I listen to both Chinese and English songs, and is fan of a lot of stuff, not only them two. And that, further left, that's The Vampire Diaries, TVD. It's not that hard to not-know. Besides, it's pretty obvious.