Hi personal, private space. Let me first lament how much of a chore, well at least as compared to last time where I only had to do a simple log in. Shows how much things have changed, further shows how long since I was here, penning down my thoughts.

I need to apologise. A friend stumbled upon, well maybe it was my fault for not closing, this page and may be reading this now. Nothing to hide, just thoughts anyway.

I was desperate last night, probably supposingly the perfect time to visit this space and start writing what I felt, my emotions, my disappointment, my rage. Apparently, I had work to do. Speaking of that, I'll come to that later. And so I've calmed down now, pretty sure half the things I had in mind were forgotten.

All along, I see it. As much as my sounding like an emotional freak over here, I feel under-appreciated. Or rather unappreciated, by friends, family? I'm not too sure. I paused. There's just so much to write and I have no idea where to start. Two years ago? That's too long. Well, I'm going to cut it short. I didn't intend to turn this space into a place where all negativity holds. But I guess I should note all of it down before I forget, though there's nothing worth remembering all of these.

The four of us, we've been friends for almost five years now. That's not VERY long, but long enough. I'm sick of being the one initiating, talking, planning, pleasing, it's tiring. I hate the 'green syndrome'. Why am I having a monologue every time. You think I love that? I don't. I detest. But if I don't do that, we'll all lose the connection. I want to stay close, but such efforts don't last long if it's unrequited. 'I thought up of a reply but I forgot to type it down', excuses. 'Mmm yea', avoiding. No replies at all, escaping. Am I, or the clique, not worth the simplest extra effort? I guess so. It's right in my face, yet I'm in denial. I feel so dumb.

Family. I'm.. tolerating. But I'm not causing trouble or any discomfort to them. I mind my own business. I make the little sacrifices that might be so insignificant to them but huge to me. I tire myself out, to get a balance. I know them, they know me, so why can't they not do what will bother or irritate me until finals? Finals. Yes, I'm in university now. Seems so far-fetched the last time I wrote here. Anyway, back to that. I can't stand princesses, and I'm not saying I'm not one, but I'm sure I'm a hardworking and independent one at the very least. She does nothing during weekends but laptop laptop laptop, oh, actually nothing on weekdays as well but WORK, yet she gets no nagging, no raging. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Make it loud if you dare, it wouldn't make a difference anyway, I can hear it, and I hate how sensitive my ears can be. Major deficit.

She does it, not because she knows it's responsibility, not because she feels the slightest guilt in not doing anything but laptop. No. I do it, so she feels obligated. Please, I've seen all kinds of people, and she ain't difficult to decipher, AT ALL. Because she's so easy, it's not hard to know that one day, when all of us are gone, she'll miss the communication, the chance she had, but didn't take. It's annoying, but I can't do anything to make her change, or to make her realise. She's my dearest sister.

Forget. 'They probably haven't seen it.' or 'They're probably busy.' Excuses I once thought up for them. Then again, am I not busy then? What difference does it have on you and me? Efforts' the answer.

And I have to head to class, I'll be back.

Class ended early, and I couldn't find a proper spot to study as I came back. This sucks. It always happens and now I'm stuck with this spot for the next three hours. Oh well, I'm lucky I got a seat, shan't complain.

Anyway, the emotions are basically all gone now. I've got priorities ahead of me for me to worry. And the biggest one right now is, should I shift to a better studying table? I don't know. Such first world problems.

Casual chatted with a friend, it felt great. Alright, ciao!

What a joke, I couldn't even start writing this entry easily and naturally like how I used to.

It's been long, real long. No one will ever understand how much I miss this, all of this.

I remember I used to sit in front of the computer, right after school, home-alone, embracing the sun and the quietness, blogging freely. I would blast my playlist, enjoying every single moment of it. Song recommendations, 'Listening to' mostly Chinese music as the start of my entries, and then surfing the net, through whatever that I truly loved back then. Constantly improving my blog template, doing tag replies and all of those sort. Sadly, I can't do those anymore.

Emotions are running through my entire body as I'm typing this now. I feel like crying, so bad. Crying out how much I can't go back to those simple carefree days, crying out the desperation I have in me all these while of wanting to go back to those times.

[edited] (I'm trying!) Oh, I forgot to say, Christmas' approaching, and every year I wish the same thing, is to have a time machine, to go back to 2010, or maybe even earlier, and live a good life from there.

Not that I don't lead a good one now, but it's just.. [/edited] (I did good? Hah.)

This blog account that I have means so much more to me than anyone out there can ever understand.

I'm using my laptop now, not that computer.
I'm listening to Korean and English music now, I couldn't catch up with Chinese music anymore.
I can't do blog templates now, I've forgotten.
I've lost myself, lost my passion.

Everything now feels like a competition, everyone just judge judge and judge whatever you do. Changes are never good, they always suck, they cause everyone to forget everything 'before the change'. Socialising's so tough right now I feel like bursting. I'm tired, and all I want is to go back.

[edited] Should I embrace the change? Should I accept that I've grown up and it's the stages I have to face? I should. It isn't wrong. But it isn't wrong to want to go back is it? I mean, after all, moving forward sucks. [/edited]

Even blogger's layout changed. Wow.

I can't blog like how I used to. The enthusiastic, simple, clear-minded, just going along with the passion me. But I'm so so so so so glad I blogged, I've noted down the best few years of my life down at this wonderful place, yet at the same time I'm extremely upset with myself for not continuing. I suck. I hate this.

This is probably the only place I can voice out whatever shit I want, upset, angry, emotional. I'm trying hard to think of what I want to say here because I want to just vent it all out.

Hah, I'm actually voicing out things literally now.

'I hate that I've changed. I hate that things around me changed. I hate that I can't go back. I hate that I'm forgetting those memories.'

I tweeted that. 'tweeted'. Since when did I want to use Twitter? What a joke I am.

I've changed a lot. Much more than anyone could see except me. And I hate this. But I love this space, and I will forever, because nothing in the world is more precious than the space here, it holds all my memories I am willing to exchange anything for to go back.

I am repeating. Shit. I am getting hold.

Btw, I'm 19 now.

I think I'm ending. It feels better typing all of these out.

I'm not closing this place, I'll never. But the template.. I've changed. Maybe someday I'll just work on it.

Oh, I was more positive last time. Argh so much more I can't voice out but they're all in my head. But well, here and my head, we are one :)

Idk how this sounds but you (wth I'm actually confessing to a blog?!) are the closest thing I have now. I treasure you, so please don't ever go away.

I'm not going to regularly blog here and rely on this space. Maybe once in a while when emotions are overwhelming like tonight.

And what can I say, maybe I might keep this template, too much memories.

I miss blogging, I really do. But that is if I was still 14/15/16/17 years old. Now? Idk how to put it but, nah :)

I'm glad I blogged. Yep, this is '[/edited]' or however I did it last time. Hah :)

Almost half an hour on this entry, edited many things like crazy, and all was worth it. Hmm, maybe I should leave a memory here.. Been watching 粉爱粉爱你 now, deadly awesome! (HAH, A NORM!)

Alright, time to really move on. I feel so much better. Thank you :)

'我的屋虎 不是老虎
很可愛 他全身白
有時叫他不來 過年卻又很乖
會拜拜 哦真奇怪'

華納群星 賀年歌 - 有隻老虎 (Jolin部分)


既然是新年, 也覺得這首歌很有趣, 所以就放上來了!

新年快樂!

My internet connection is so fugged up, it's so slow! It takes forever to load some pages, UGH!

Is it because I'm doing Norton Anit Virus Scan now, that's why it's lagging? Idk, I'm kinda pissed off by it already. It wasn't like that the past few days, when I did at least 10 scans a day while loading several pages. Ugh, whatever already.

I've been pretty obssessed with Taylor Swift these few days, my sister will know. I've been looking for music scores of her songs, and has been begging my dad to teach me guitar. Haha, weird, but, I'm still gonna try it anyway!

Alright, I think I'll watch Brothers now, sick of all the waiting and loading.

Hi personal, private space. Let me first lament how much of a chore, well at least as compared to last time where I only had to do a simple log in. Shows how much things have changed, further shows how long since I was here, penning down my thoughts.

I need to apologise. A friend stumbled upon, well maybe it was my fault for not closing, this page and may be reading this now. Nothing to hide, just thoughts anyway.

I was desperate last night, probably supposingly the perfect time to visit this space and start writing what I felt, my emotions, my disappointment, my rage. Apparently, I had work to do. Speaking of that, I'll come to that later. And so I've calmed down now, pretty sure half the things I had in mind were forgotten.

All along, I see it. As much as my sounding like an emotional freak over here, I feel under-appreciated. Or rather unappreciated, by friends, family? I'm not too sure. I paused. There's just so much to write and I have no idea where to start. Two years ago? That's too long. Well, I'm going to cut it short. I didn't intend to turn this space into a place where all negativity holds. But I guess I should note all of it down before I forget, though there's nothing worth remembering all of these.

The four of us, we've been friends for almost five years now. That's not VERY long, but long enough. I'm sick of being the one initiating, talking, planning, pleasing, it's tiring. I hate the 'green syndrome'. Why am I having a monologue every time. You think I love that? I don't. I detest. But if I don't do that, we'll all lose the connection. I want to stay close, but such efforts don't last long if it's unrequited. 'I thought up of a reply but I forgot to type it down', excuses. 'Mmm yea', avoiding. No replies at all, escaping. Am I, or the clique, not worth the simplest extra effort? I guess so. It's right in my face, yet I'm in denial. I feel so dumb.

Family. I'm.. tolerating. But I'm not causing trouble or any discomfort to them. I mind my own business. I make the little sacrifices that might be so insignificant to them but huge to me. I tire myself out, to get a balance. I know them, they know me, so why can't they not do what will bother or irritate me until finals? Finals. Yes, I'm in university now. Seems so far-fetched the last time I wrote here. Anyway, back to that. I can't stand princesses, and I'm not saying I'm not one, but I'm sure I'm a hardworking and independent one at the very least. She does nothing during weekends but laptop laptop laptop, oh, actually nothing on weekdays as well but WORK, yet she gets no nagging, no raging. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Make it loud if you dare, it wouldn't make a difference anyway, I can hear it, and I hate how sensitive my ears can be. Major deficit.

She does it, not because she knows it's responsibility, not because she feels the slightest guilt in not doing anything but laptop. No. I do it, so she feels obligated. Please, I've seen all kinds of people, and she ain't difficult to decipher, AT ALL. Because she's so easy, it's not hard to know that one day, when all of us are gone, she'll miss the communication, the chance she had, but didn't take. It's annoying, but I can't do anything to make her change, or to make her realise. She's my dearest sister.

Forget. 'They probably haven't seen it.' or 'They're probably busy.' Excuses I once thought up for them. Then again, am I not busy then? What difference does it have on you and me? Efforts' the answer.

And I have to head to class, I'll be back.

Class ended early, and I couldn't find a proper spot to study as I came back. This sucks. It always happens and now I'm stuck with this spot for the next three hours. Oh well, I'm lucky I got a seat, shan't complain.

Anyway, the emotions are basically all gone now. I've got priorities ahead of me for me to worry. And the biggest one right now is, should I shift to a better studying table? I don't know. Such first world problems.

Casual chatted with a friend, it felt great. Alright, ciao!

What a joke, I couldn't even start writing this entry easily and naturally like how I used to.

It's been long, real long. No one will ever understand how much I miss this, all of this.

I remember I used to sit in front of the computer, right after school, home-alone, embracing the sun and the quietness, blogging freely. I would blast my playlist, enjoying every single moment of it. Song recommendations, 'Listening to' mostly Chinese music as the start of my entries, and then surfing the net, through whatever that I truly loved back then. Constantly improving my blog template, doing tag replies and all of those sort. Sadly, I can't do those anymore.

Emotions are running through my entire body as I'm typing this now. I feel like crying, so bad. Crying out how much I can't go back to those simple carefree days, crying out the desperation I have in me all these while of wanting to go back to those times.

[edited] (I'm trying!) Oh, I forgot to say, Christmas' approaching, and every year I wish the same thing, is to have a time machine, to go back to 2010, or maybe even earlier, and live a good life from there.

Not that I don't lead a good one now, but it's just.. [/edited] (I did good? Hah.)

This blog account that I have means so much more to me than anyone out there can ever understand.

I'm using my laptop now, not that computer.
I'm listening to Korean and English music now, I couldn't catch up with Chinese music anymore.
I can't do blog templates now, I've forgotten.
I've lost myself, lost my passion.

Everything now feels like a competition, everyone just judge judge and judge whatever you do. Changes are never good, they always suck, they cause everyone to forget everything 'before the change'. Socialising's so tough right now I feel like bursting. I'm tired, and all I want is to go back.

[edited] Should I embrace the change? Should I accept that I've grown up and it's the stages I have to face? I should. It isn't wrong. But it isn't wrong to want to go back is it? I mean, after all, moving forward sucks. [/edited]

Even blogger's layout changed. Wow.

I can't blog like how I used to. The enthusiastic, simple, clear-minded, just going along with the passion me. But I'm so so so so so glad I blogged, I've noted down the best few years of my life down at this wonderful place, yet at the same time I'm extremely upset with myself for not continuing. I suck. I hate this.

This is probably the only place I can voice out whatever shit I want, upset, angry, emotional. I'm trying hard to think of what I want to say here because I want to just vent it all out.

Hah, I'm actually voicing out things literally now.

'I hate that I've changed. I hate that things around me changed. I hate that I can't go back. I hate that I'm forgetting those memories.'

I tweeted that. 'tweeted'. Since when did I want to use Twitter? What a joke I am.

I've changed a lot. Much more than anyone could see except me. And I hate this. But I love this space, and I will forever, because nothing in the world is more precious than the space here, it holds all my memories I am willing to exchange anything for to go back.

I am repeating. Shit. I am getting hold.

Btw, I'm 19 now.

I think I'm ending. It feels better typing all of these out.

I'm not closing this place, I'll never. But the template.. I've changed. Maybe someday I'll just work on it.

Oh, I was more positive last time. Argh so much more I can't voice out but they're all in my head. But well, here and my head, we are one :)

Idk how this sounds but you (wth I'm actually confessing to a blog?!) are the closest thing I have now. I treasure you, so please don't ever go away.

I'm not going to regularly blog here and rely on this space. Maybe once in a while when emotions are overwhelming like tonight.

And what can I say, maybe I might keep this template, too much memories.

I miss blogging, I really do. But that is if I was still 14/15/16/17 years old. Now? Idk how to put it but, nah :)

I'm glad I blogged. Yep, this is '[/edited]' or however I did it last time. Hah :)

Almost half an hour on this entry, edited many things like crazy, and all was worth it. Hmm, maybe I should leave a memory here.. Been watching 粉爱粉爱你 now, deadly awesome! (HAH, A NORM!)

Alright, time to really move on. I feel so much better. Thank you :)

'我的屋虎 不是老虎
很可愛 他全身白
有時叫他不來 過年卻又很乖
會拜拜 哦真奇怪'

華納群星 賀年歌 - 有隻老虎 (Jolin部分)


既然是新年, 也覺得這首歌很有趣, 所以就放上來了!

新年快樂!

My internet connection is so fugged up, it's so slow! It takes forever to load some pages, UGH!

Is it because I'm doing Norton Anit Virus Scan now, that's why it's lagging? Idk, I'm kinda pissed off by it already. It wasn't like that the past few days, when I did at least 10 scans a day while loading several pages. Ugh, whatever already.

I've been pretty obssessed with Taylor Swift these few days, my sister will know. I've been looking for music scores of her songs, and has been begging my dad to teach me guitar. Haha, weird, but, I'm still gonna try it anyway!

Alright, I think I'll watch Brothers now, sick of all the waiting and loading.

Call me YiJia, it's more preferable. September 12th, I don't expect many to remember. I listen to both Chinese and English songs, and is fan of a lot of stuff, not only them two. And that, further left, that's The Vampire Diaries, TVD. It's not that hard to not-know. Besides, it's pretty obvious.